|  X-Men
Origins: Wolverine
Starring: Hugh
Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Danny Houston and Lynn Collins
Directed by: Gavin Hood
Buy
X-Men Trilogy Here->
Shame
really. Wolverine had such promise. Sure, you let past film hints
of the snarler's background slip as you want so much to buy into
this version's back story. But ultimately you’re left still
asking, “What is Wolverine. And why?”
The
title would like you to think these questions would be answered.
'Fraid not! The studio - surprise - are Big Blue Meany liars holding
sweets and lollipops (in manly forms) to lure you in to a dark
dank theater!
Story
goes…a sick young man lay in a bed. His temperature
rising. You meet his older “brother” who, it is obvious,
has a bad temper and disposition. Suddenly – mayhem is thrust
forth and the two youngins must flee. We watch a pretty cool montage
and the duo emerge as Logan (Hugh Jackman) and Vincent aka Sabertooth
(aka Liev Schreiber).
The
quick scenes tell us the two have matured into a couple of flesh
covered machines of death: Ballet stars of blood.
And
faster than you can say, "My heavens that indie-darling Schreiber's
lookin' good," the two are corralled with other all-to-briefly
shown fellow “mutants” by a immediately suspicious
uber patriot named Stryker (Danny Houston).
The
special group (which includes Dominic Monahan) are to use their
separate special powers for who knows what…the plot begins
to thin, er, thicken. You wish this was on DVR at a few points
as mumbling and nano-second scenes leave you in a ScoobyDoo head
tilt, "Huh?"
Still
you can figure out that it is during this tour of duty that Logan
starts to show his kinder Lab/Pit Bull side. One bloodbath filled
evening when the shenanigans turn to pure slaughter of innocents
he walks away. His brother Vinnie, a tad more into his wolfish
side, and who even has the creepy Nosferatu-style finger nails
and dramatic extended canine teeth with chest heaving pride, remains.
In
Logan's new life he’s a generic low-paid manly man with
a generic laboring gal (Lynn Collins) by his side. This section
no doubt is for us ladies. As there’s moments of in-the-bed
post coital chatter and romantic play ala a Lifetime TV script.
The only thing missing is the discussion over naming a to-be child
and a pair of singing turtle doves tweeting away on the window
sill
(puke) .
But
Logan’s version of woodsy Shangri La is short lived however.
Wham his old boss Stryker, and his evil brother Vincent are looking
for him…Each for malevolent reasons (<- cue dramatic
mystery music).
The
story culminates with us seeing the will-be Logan we all know
and love. A few quick scenes and sentences allow for his damned
memory loss and metal body coating found in the real, err, older
X-Men films.
About
two thirds in you your eyes well in knowing tears as you realize
you may as well stop hoping - wishing - for more. You will not
be fed any real big news about where Logan came from - you know
like say HIS ORIGIN. You get snippets as if another film would
tell you – but there would be no Hugh Jackman unless it
was all via flash back to a childhood…they wouldn’t…would
they? Hmm, Fast and Furious – The Fast and
Furious! Damn those producers.
Hugh
Jackman grunts and snarls as sexily as expected. The powers that
be have just deemed him lava hot. And (breath in...breath out)
there’s a bit of nudity thrown about here - albeit quick
CGI and cleverly bending sorts. You will see plenty of shirts
open and general flesh – for that we men-loving of the breed
thank you. Jackman is smart: he is playing to the audience here;
the rest of us will be bored into inhaling hydrogenated buttered
popcorn in hopes of artery failure to get us out of this mess.
And serving goo to the fans is swell but so much more could have
been in this story-wise kids… Though one still giggles in
girlish glee at the roar of his talent. Grrrrr.
 Scene
stealer, who shall be named Liev McHotty, is super buffed out
and smoking hot – lucky Naomi Watts. This guy can act. Even
in this wafer thin mélange of information spewing he shines.
Liev Screiber gives good menace and the whole wolf look becomes
him. He also does that wacky beard style with style. Liev 100
percent gives Jackman a run for the moonlight. Well done old boy.
Danny
Houston is a good looking man. And I am so not trying to be mean
but he’s always the bad guy.
You know before he knows. It’s like any brand name guest
star on CSI – it’s them in the end. I will say this
was one of his best performances however...do you think an actor
wants to hear that? Really? In a popcorn flick? Hey, he's working.
Blunt suggestion: New agent and read for smart bad guy Bond-y
types - fast. Ka-ching wee Houston.
Ultimately,
there are some great action scenes in XMO:W. But alas,
after running like a wolf in heat to see this, the suggestion
is to wait for video or pay-per-view for your Jackman fix. Or
buy
the X-Men Trilogy here.
Snack
recommendation: Maple syrup coated pancakes and a good
mani-pedi appointment post viewing.
The
official website is great ->
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