in Sixty Seconds
Nicholas Cage, Angelina Jolie, Giovanni Ribisi and Robert Duvall
by: Dominic Sena
Review: Okay, Blunt
Review readers know I'm a sucker for a Bruckheimer film - there's a whole wing
in the filmaturium section of the manor devoted to the guy's films. JBF always
produces films filled with manlyberry eye-candy, things that go boom - wildly,
and for all there action-film 101nesses, there's usually some kind of story, albeit
far-fetched, but watchable. Not here. It's cars, cars, and more cars. Which, again,
I dig - but it's just dull. I looked again-perhaps the extras would redeem the
film for me. Nope. Sure there's a few cool behind the scene additions - especially
when they walk us through a car chase special effect scene. And there's an interview
with Jerry Bruckheimer, the world's biggest producer, expelling some wisdom to
filmmaker wannabes. But, damn, if I just can not get on board with this one. If
you adore Nicolas Cage even regardless of story, or believe Angelina Jolie's photo
should be in Websterly & Fundunkles Dictionary under: N: Girl, then, yes,
I suppose it's a must have DVD. For the rest of us? Go buy Adaptation
or National Treasure...or a Tomb
in Sixty Seconds
is not the brightest little movie in the window! The audience for this is who?
I mean besides the "see anything they do" fans of Nicholas Cage and
Angelina Jolie like myself.
A movie with this hot a cast what's the deal? Okay, Cage is no Shakespearean thespian
but he's absolute rock candy dipped in cocoa sweet on the retina - throw the boy
a bone. Give him ONE intelligent thing to say..I'm begging you Hollywood.
Then there's Anjolina Jolie, who's photo I believe is in the new Funk and Wagner
dictionary under description of N.Sexual. She's all fetished up. But even
with these two steamy hot potatoes of lust, GI60S lacks Bruckheimer gusto.
wafer thin story goes...Randall ''Memphis'' Raines' (Nicky) little brother Kip
(Giovanni Ribisisbisspagettghetti) is in hot water with a viscous monster of a
man named "The Carpenter." The Carpenter (Christopher "Sure, I'm
a trained British actor-but, mummy, it's Hollywood" Eccleston) it seems has
a passion for all things wood. Natch, I thought they were going to have him go
" wood shop" on someone and turn them into cabinets. No, he really just
digs wood. Seems Kip in his completely brain dead state, brings the fuzz right
into the chop shop du Jour where the Carp has been finishing a "boost"
of stolen cars. Not good. The stolen cars, worth God only knows how much, are
impounded. The Carps pretty mad at young filthy looking Kip. And quite frankly,
it's Kip's totally idiotic mentally that really just makes you side with wood
Anyway, the only one who can save Kip " The Ignorant" is brother "King
of Monotone Deliveries"- Memphis. The job? Parlay 50 cars (real nicey nice
cars too- not a Yugo to be seen dear reader) and deliver them in the next couple
of days to a container ship heading south.
gathers his cronies from his past, and the fun begins. Oh, there's a rival gang
trying to steal all the cars too. Tah! AND if your brain can handle any
more excitement there's a cop from Memphis' past who noticed he's in town. He
tells him his watching him...Yeah? If he spent one half of an hour following Memphis
he would have known the whole twisted scheme. Not to mention the three or four
times while spying on the "crew" the chocolate Columbo sees a large
list of exotic and expensive cars numbered on a chalk board with girls names beside
them and a circle of about eight major car thieves huddled in discussion. Guess
he figured it was just a local gathering of Car Fancy subscribers, nothing
suspicious at all. Please.
Dumb au de Dumb dialog abounds in GI60S. It's not Quentin Tarantino folks,
heck it's not even Jerry Springer. Oscar winner? Let me catch me breath. But,
even with all this kucka the movie has certain "it's so bad, it's good"
feel. There's lots of car chases, ghetto humor and pretty cars. It's a car fest
extravaganza-nothing more. Admittedly, I can't think of anyone I prefer to spend
two hours glaring at than Nicholas Cage. So, for solely personal reasons, I semi-enjoyed
the thing. And for those who prefer female pelts, Ms. All That , Angelina's all
blonde dreadlocks and sexy lip posing through out for you. Together the sex (which
the movie had none) oozing from their pores kept the whole movie revved at 300
rpms. Still stupid but revved.
are few who will like this. Perhaps wait till it's video or take it for what it
is... campy cheesy vacant action movie 101. Remember GI60S grandpapa is
producer Jerry Bruckheimer. Jerr's famous for such memorable testosterone pumped
tales as The Rock AKA Sweaty Men and Implausible Action/Dialog Movie,
starring Nicholas Cage . Or his Con Air AKA More Sweaty Men
and Implausible Action/Dialog Movie , starring Nicholas Cage. Then there's
Jermeisterini's nachos loaded with a humungoid side of refried beans of dick flick,
Armageddon AKA The Idiotic Dialog VS. the 3500 Square Mile Asteroid
That NASA "Missed" Heading Straight for Earth Movie, oddly enough
not starring Nicholas Cage.
Recommendation: Junior Mints and Pepsi One