Miles to Graceland
thought maybe I'd misread the marquee about an hour into this
colossal waste of Hollywood beefcake. I started to think maybe
in my myopic blur it had actually read 3000 Minutes to the
Plot! 'Cause it dang near seemed that long!
you have Kevin Costner dancing around in rock-a-billy wear all
sexed up with snug black leather pants and bad-boy pheromones
dripping from his, surprisingly, still vivacious pores, but
alas, even that gets old fast!
Kurt Russell in this wasn't such a shock...With Kurtis you never
know what to expect...He's made some fun, albeit, B category
movies that we've all enjoyed admit it, as well as some
pretty ripe donkey poo films best forgotten.
Costner? I'll be smarting about this for a while. He was so
great in 13 Days,
Dances With Wolves etc. I expect a better choice of screenplay
from him. Yes, Waterworld was a Biggy Fries©
portion of faux pas for the man, did he learn nothing about
choices? Don't get me wrong, Kev's really a funfest man
kebab in this, it's just the celluloid fill, dialog, and storyline
this Kevin Pollak guy. What happened to him? He must just cry
himself to bed each night with the hand-of-fate career dealt
to him vs. his Usual Suspects costars (Spacey,
Del Toro, Palmentieri-even
Baldwin). There's a lesson for aspiring actors here...shut up,
listen and learn from this...Be CHOOSEY. Sure kid, follow your
dreams. A given. But, never sacrifice your talent for
money, or you'll end up cast as second bannanahack actor playing
next to ever-lamo- uber- annoying Thomas Hayden Church, let's
say "Pollaking your career." Or something worse,
maybe in a (shudder) Tom Green movie.
story goes...A few ex-cons lead by Murphy, aka Elvis A (Kevin
Costner) decide to rob a casino during the International Elvis
Convention the Riviera Las Vegas is hosting.
The "Brainstorm De Criminal" being the hotel will
be filled with so many hunks of mock Elvis' strutting through
the place and security will be so blinded by the multitude of
semiprecious stones radiating off the fore mentioned Elvis'
apparel, the gang can simply don Elvi-an robes themselves, thusly
blending right in unnoticed to empty the packed safe.
rough and ready Elvi quintets do. And they succeed in quite
a heist, amid a blood bath of Tarrantino-McQuarrie-esque
Then we are given a few filler scenes, betrayal always
a shocker in these movies no? A love story; as Elvis B (Kurt
Russell) falls for skanky hideout/HQ Last Chance Hotel resident
Cybil (Courtney "anything to shake the Friends image, get
me anything" Cox-Arquette).
Ms. perfect- pearly white-teeth- playing- a- grifter has a kid
in tow. Actually a four foot version of a career- criminal heading-
straight- to- life- in-the big- house- with- a -bitch- named-
Buddy. He's sooo cute... projectile yupchoking commencing ....now.
kid's a brat squared. The girl's a confusing character. Is she
in love or on the take? The Elvis B, or Michael (Russell), guy
is the standard heart of gold criminal. The Elvis A guy, or
Murphy(Costner), is quite sexy and overtly macho, but none the
less an insane serial killer with an identity crisis mixed with
delusional tendencies topped only by his passion for dated retro
side burns. So he becomes, annoying and sometimes laughable.
What about Christian Slater? David Arquette? They are not in
it long enough...no wait. Chris did get one totally predictable
scene served rehash telegraphic style. He's not happy with the
cut he's getting from the heist and stands up to Murphy. Ya.
We don't see what's going to happen here 't all...
Anything good about the movie? Yes, actually the beginning was
great. The credits had an awesome animated battle between two
scorpions. Of course later you were browbeat with the scorpion
symbolism via tattoos, belt buckles, rings, actors movements
etc. It lost it's subtlety fast. The
cinematography by David Franco was often beautiful and simultaneously
eerie. The character's costuming by Mary E. McLeod was precise.
And, of course, the soundtrack is a must have.
this later folks. It's really, really bad towards the
end. Costner's adorable as a villain. And Kurt, well he's always
charming. However, the whole thing together was like poor Elvis'
stack o' wet naps after a hearty midday snack; odious and soiled,
best passed by while holding your breath till the smell passes.
recommendation: Jelly Sandwiches and Jack Daniels
Kevin Costner, Kurt Russell, Christian Slater, Courteney Cox,Howie
Long, Jon Lovitz, David Arquette and Kevin Pollak
by Demian Lichtenstein