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Ledereen Beroemd!

Translation: Everybody's Famous






I sat in the theater wondering if I had traveled in time when I passed through the theater doors. Was I back in 1978? See, this Flemish subtitled farce (a icky language that has the mock gagging phlegm sound of German mixed with the idiocratic upswing of the Norwegian tongue) was so dated, I though, it certainly couldn't be from this era. But, sadly it was.

Silly me disregarded my natural instinct to blow-the-foreign-B- movie fiasco, and stayed.

Story goes some fat cow, no that's not fair to the cow. Okay, a plump porcine-like unfair to the pig...Got it, a really, really heavy teenager, Marva (Eva van der Gucht) with no self-esteem, bad posture and the face of Punch (of Punch and Judy) is in midsong we join the film. She has a terrible voice (they lead us to believe). The girl is grotesquely singing, nay, impersonating Madonna, complete with fishnet stockings (heave) at her local drunkard's hall and würst. Shudder.

Her over enthusiastic father, Jean (Josse De Pauw) is all a glow with the pride only a doting father can have for the mentally challenged child's mortifyingly embarrassing little stage show...

She loses her 54th competition to a blind man lip-syncing Otis Retting- complete with Black Face painted on...Oh, stop my sides! And goes home to their humble, hubble, er , abode.

If only people knew of her talent. NOT! The delusional father reiterates to the point of you wanting to beat-him-within-an-inch-of-his-life madness. He's got the answer in his tiny white-trash-of-the-Flemland's mind- He'll write her a hit song. Sure, that's the ticket.

So, he writes this song. Not a song as much as a tune he's hummed psychotically into a recorder. He just knows if his larva, er Marva, can sing this song she could be as popular, as famous as Flemish sensation and uber-dated- rock- star- ala- Abba-in-their-prime--complete-with-blue-Nefertiti wig- "Debbie."

Just as his plans for his daughter's stardom are fruiting in his head, Jean loses his factory job. His family, especially his precious mini van sized daughter Marva, is less than supportive. Oh, that's okay he thinks. Gosh, she's just a temperamental theatrical type after all. This guy is so moronic the whole thing's barely bearable!

But like the little ant and the infamous rubber tree.... he trudges onward. His shitbox, er, car, breaks down and he happens upon -guess whom? Debbie- the she star! Wow, didn't see this coming.

He kidnaps her! Say, that's funny huh?

He contacts a buddy who also lost his job, a weird looking fellow, Willy (Werner De Smedt <- I am not making up this name folks...) to assist him in the guarding of kidnapped Debbie.

The country goes mad! Where is their precious Debbie? Meanwhile contact is made between kidnapper and would-be-ransom payer. Jean contacts Debbie's manager, Michael (Victor "Get a haircut baby-the feathered look is soooo out" Vox). He's the stereo typical, sleazy manager who looks suspiciously like the manager from Spinal Tap. Mickey's is enlightened of Jean's nefarious plot. It's not money this fool wants. Jean just wants his teenage heifer, er, daughter, Marva, to sing this silly theme on the silly show the silly people adore.

Just ridiculous. Everything was old fashioned, and the men were simply hideous. Not a half a hunk to be seen. My eyes ached. I'm not that superficial, well...but it's a hell of a lot easier to watch cinematic dog chow I you've got a Brad Pitt or George Clooney once in a while to break the monotony. Or a great story in lieu of male stimulation. The story here is so lame the projector shut off a couple of times cause it thought the damn thing was over. Admittedly, there were a few hearty laughs. But, all in all this is kucka.

Even if your an art-house- see-every-foreign-entree' type, you are missing nothing by forgoing this moronic flashback gone bad film. If you simply must have a subtitle fix go see The Closet. It was cheesy, yes, but clever and well acted. At least it wasn't visually torturing.

Snack Recommendation: Reindeer, and Schnuklelurken Dumplings mit Flemishesh' Schnitzelplotz

Starring: Josse De Pauw Eva van der Gucht Werner De Smedt .Thekla Reuten
Victor Löw Gert Portael & Jon Jacobjingleheimerschmidt

Directed/written By: Dominique Deruddere




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