Starring: Jordan Ladd, Rider Strong, James DeBello, Cerina
Vincent and Joey Kern
Directed by: Eli Roth
scary about a little old log cabin in east B** F*** Carolina?
Not much. Until director Eli Roth starts to think about it
you get a wonderful paranoid adventure filled with creepy locals
and a mysterious killer with no name! (<- insert devilishly
dramatic music here please).
a group of college friends ( Jordan Ladd, Rider Strong,
James DeBello, Cerina Vincent and Joey Kern) decided to rent a
rustic cabin together. That's their first mistake. Of course they
figure it's just an excuse to drink too much, f*** too much and
generally act like Neanderthals for a weekend. We know they're
about to take a dirt road to Victimland!
before the slaughter begins
they stop for the obligatory
supplies at the local redneck emporium. This place has that Deliverance
aura wafting like fresh sliced onion from its warped wood porchfront
- and just to add to your insides swishing about - the group meets
a semi-autistic genderless child, perched upon the porch, that
appears to be positively possessed. Eek. It leaps upon one of
them and takes a bite - literally - off its prey. This scene alone
will have you thinking twice about your own deep woods get-a-way
I tell you!
manage to survive the backwoods pit-stop and joyfully speed away
towards the cabin
That's their second mistake; the inbred
deli should have been a clue this place was bad! Bad I tell you!
(<- again please insert devilishly dramatic music here please).
they unpack the beer and white bread (it's not a prop heavy film
and explore the woods a bit, a bloody disintegrating stranger
(Arie Verveen), comes-a-calling. He's begging them for help, as
his life - literally - oozes and he spits bloody bile all over
the place! They respond with less then open arms of brotherly
assistance. In fact the group kind of set him on fire and send
him back on his merry way - flaming into the horizon.
almost as fast as the keg goes flat the kids start to get really
sick. Now it seems whatever was "eating" the wayward
stranger has started to dine upon the youngin's flesh! Of course
it could be all the infected blood he spat across the place! Or
the fact that his burnt carcass is a now adrift in the local reservoir!
Yeah, could be
sure it's silly. It's also great fun! The cast speak in that goofy
lingo of yesteryear- complete with multiple "Your so gay!"
snafus as just about every great horror cliché in the book
is hurled at us. Say, what's a girly girl do when they are faced
with an unknown but inescapable death? Right. Take a bubble bath
and shave her legs of course. And what do a man and a women faced
with impending death by horrific circumstances do to idle their
time in the musky cabin of carnage? Right. Have rabid Rhesus monkey
sex of course
film's gorgeous style is molded directly from all those cheesy
blood and booby flicks of the 1970's - complete hokey soft-rock
music one would expect to hear on the B side of a Midnight
Cowboy soundtrack! And the film has this wonderful grainy
touch that somehow looks as if the filmmakers found a few tins
in a storage house somewhere. On top of the perfect ambience they've
captured there are about fifteen great movie homages for folks
who know their B horror and Roth never lets up on the gratuitous
gore. The scenes are just filled with that coveted "ewweeaahhhaaaeeechhhkk"
factor one looks for in their horror films. There's no suspense
- we do know they are all going to die - this is a horror film
after all! But the cast of young handsome and beautifuls truly
shine as they camp up their cookie-cutter about-to-die-horrific-death
roles and deliver us some terrific gasps! Love this for what is
good old-fashioned pointless blood fest.
recommendation: Bloody Marys with extra Tabasco ©