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Cabin Fever

Starring: Jordan Ladd, Rider Strong, James DeBello, Cerina Vincent and Joey Kern
Directed by: Eli Roth

Rated: R

 

What's so scary about a little old log cabin in east B** F*** Carolina? Not much. Until director Eli Roth starts to think about it…then you get a wonderful paranoid adventure filled with creepy locals and a mysterious killer with no name! (<- insert devilishly dramatic music here please).

Story goes…a group of college friends ( Jordan Ladd, Rider Strong, James DeBello, Cerina Vincent and Joey Kern) decided to rent a rustic cabin together. That's their first mistake. Of course they figure it's just an excuse to drink too much, f*** too much and generally act like Neanderthals for a weekend. We know they're about to take a dirt road to Victimland!

But before the slaughter begins…they stop for the obligatory supplies at the local redneck emporium. This place has that Deliverance aura wafting like fresh sliced onion from its warped wood porchfront - and just to add to your insides swishing about - the group meets a semi-autistic genderless child, perched upon the porch, that appears to be positively possessed. Eek. It leaps upon one of them and takes a bite - literally - off its prey. This scene alone will have you thinking twice about your own deep woods get-a-way I tell you!

They manage to survive the backwoods pit-stop and joyfully speed away towards the cabin…That's their second mistake; the inbred deli should have been a clue this place was bad! Bad I tell you! (<- again please insert devilishly dramatic music here please).

After they unpack the beer and white bread (it's not a prop heavy film…), and explore the woods a bit, a bloody disintegrating stranger (Arie Verveen), comes-a-calling. He's begging them for help, as his life - literally - oozes and he spits bloody bile all over the place! They respond with less then open arms of brotherly assistance. In fact the group kind of set him on fire and send him back on his merry way - flaming into the horizon.

Then almost as fast as the keg goes flat the kids start to get really sick. Now it seems whatever was "eating" the wayward stranger has started to dine upon the youngin's flesh! Of course it could be all the infected blood he spat across the place! Or the fact that his burnt carcass is a now adrift in the local reservoir! Yeah, could be

Oh sure it's silly. It's also great fun! The cast speak in that goofy lingo of yesteryear- complete with multiple "Your so gay!" snafus as just about every great horror cliché in the book is hurled at us. Say, what's a girly girl do when they are faced with an unknown but inescapable death? Right. Take a bubble bath and shave her legs of course. And what do a man and a women faced with impending death by horrific circumstances do to idle their time in the musky cabin of carnage? Right. Have rabid Rhesus monkey sex of course…

The film's gorgeous style is molded directly from all those cheesy blood and booby flicks of the 1970's - complete hokey soft-rock music one would expect to hear on the B side of a Midnight Cowboy soundtrack! And the film has this wonderful grainy touch that somehow looks as if the filmmakers found a few tins in a storage house somewhere. On top of the perfect ambience they've captured there are about fifteen great movie homages for folks who know their B horror and Roth never lets up on the gratuitous gore. The scenes are just filled with that coveted "ewweeaahhhaaaeeechhhkk" factor one looks for in their horror films. There's no suspense - we do know they are all going to die - this is a horror film after all! But the cast of young handsome and beautifuls truly shine as they camp up their cookie-cutter about-to-die-horrific-death roles and deliver us some terrific gasps! Love this for what is…a good old-fashioned pointless blood fest.

Snack recommendation: Bloody Marys with extra Tabasco ©

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