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The Bone Collector

Denzel Washington, Queen Latifa, Ed O'Neil and Angelina Jolie
Directed By:
Philip Noyce
Rated: R

The Bone Collector does have some good points. For one it's a horror movie right? The suspense is there and the gore. They try too hard is all.

Admittedly, I nearly blew chunks of chow mein when they found the college student, in one of the many staged killing sights left by the "killer." Eek to the tenth power.

But BC has too many flaws. Like why on God's green Earth would NY's finest allow a toothpick chick babe (Anjolina Jolie) to climb down into treacherous areas BY HERSELF while a serial killing lunatic, may or may not be lurking behind doorway number one? Pleeaase.

The law suits alone would prevent that scenario even if they secretly wanted to see her bludgeoned. Then there's the A typical New York police captain with that 'Barretta' attitude towards his men.

Give us a little credit Mr. Screenwriter. I thought this was gonna be a smarter film, that's all.

Here's the story...Lincoln Rhyme (Denzel ' Hot cocoa on a long winter's night' Washington) has a really bad boo boo. He was a top forensic cop at lectures and textbook creator for the 'Academy' till a...something, smashed his body in half, leaving him bed bound. He just hangs at his crib, waiting to exit stage left outta life. That is until a deranged killer into fancy skin carvings gets his mind going again.

See, Link (which for the first half of the movie -I thought was a Mod Squad reference) is a genius at putting together the tiniest of psychopathic ferensic evidence. For some reason the police captain, who remembe,r supposedly hates the guy, lets Link turn his huge sprawling apartment (? 6000.00 a month anywhere in the city) into crime scene study central, complete with about 15 boys in blue at his beckon call. Oh, sure.

Enter Amelia Donaghy (Angelina 'Look into my lips! Look into my lips! You are getting sleepy...' Jolie). A skeletal framed rookie who happens to be a whiz kid at detail. Sex? This is a horror flick where's the sex? Oh, yeah he's paraplegic you say. No problem. They attempt a romance between the dead from the neck down Link and Amelia. As if. Pathetic! Sex sells I guess, but definitely not necessary anywhere in this script.

The two pair up to catch the killer. She; the eyes and legs at the crime scenes for the team. He; the brains and anchor of the team. Together, he bed ridden - she angst ridden, they hunt and pursue this madman together. Awe isn't that sweet. Barf.

This killer enjoys surgically removing flesh…iiiiiieeee. Nothing is grosser than that huh? Toothpick Girl Amelia, doesn't seem to mind. She's not a pussy. Of course murder victim numero uno, Mrs. 'Steamed 5th Avenue Carcass', got Amelia's boney ass a heavin. Of course dry heaves as she never eats.

I can just see the novel writer Jeffrey Deaver, cringing at the premiere when his bold brash cop, Amelia was turned into a waif model who needs to be fist fed a hoagie or two. Jolie should never be a lead in this movie, a Troma video horror or FullMoon production sure...

The scientific parts of the film were well done and very interesting. If you like this stuff, also check out books by Kathy Reichs, she's a crack forensic scientist turned grisly author. This is the movie's appeal. Clever, even if it is casting hell. Good date movie, better than most, less than expected from Washington.

Got to mention, Queen Latifa is Thelma, Lincoln's round the clock nurse and Batgirl. Latifa 'Ms. Multi-talent USA' deserves more quality roles. She's an incredible being. Hey? Why wasn't she in the lead with Denzel? Oh, yeah she ways over 98 pounds and doesn't look like she belongs on Mack the mechanics bathroom wall.

Unlike her costar this chick can act her way out of a paper bag. Kick box is more like it. I was so happy when she came back on screen. A warm happy place after suffering through the tedium of Jolie's scenes of mediocrity.

Hey, if she gets better with time...I'll be kinder.

Snack Recommendation: Nothing or you'll be chuckin chunks

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