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Anger Management

Starring: Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler, John Turturro, and so forth.
Directed by: Peter Segal
Rated: PG-13 & PGDS (Pretty Gosh Darn Stupid)

 

 

Man-o-Manoshevitz was this bad! To say I hated this is a grandiose understatement. Not only were there no studmuffins to nosh on between the goobly goop of friggitini poodle poo, but wasting John Turturro and Luis Guzman and JACK should be considered a felony.

Argh. It's the dreaded "K-Pax Virus" or the horrific " Death to Smoochy Flu" at work here for sure. KPV and DTSF strikes ordinary mega-talents when they get too comfy. It clouds their puffy heads with expensive cigar smoke and cognac bonded friendships causing them to read through rose colored Raybans©™, thusly, making erroneous script decisions followed by a brief bit of work in a vanity vacuum spotted with a deadly breed of "Yes Men" only to emerge from the illness with a massive production of pure film diarrhea and gooey career faux pas afterbirth.

I admit it I am not the biggest Adam Sandler fan out there. I thought we were past all that after I adored Punch Drunk Love and Little Nicky. Of course Little Nicky was hated by the die-hard Sandler cult members and Punch Drunk Love was seen by twelve people- cast included - unfortunately.

The story (Read: "Time to cash in, er, make another movie" ) goes...David Buznik (Adam Sandler) is a dweeby kind of guy with no balls and a saddy cakes demeanor. While he's schlepping to a meeting in St Louis he requests a headset from the stewardess. In one of the worst scripted and acted scenes in film, he is accused of terrorizing the plane and ends up in court.

Dave finds himself thrown into an anger management program since (hardee har har) he's so violently tempered. The program is run by Dr. Rydell (Jack "Ah, what the heck, the kid did that funny Jewish song...hand me a cigar...I'll read the script." Nicholson).

At the meeting he meets really angry people that are straight out of a filing cabinet at SNL marked "Stereotypical Character Types." These fellow angry souls are over the top and clearly Dave is the sanest of the lot. But don't let obvious character traits blurr the plot here...

After being assigned his personal "Anger Allie" Chuck (John Turtururuturtle), things go from retahhrded to rah'-tarhhhhhhded real fast.

Chuck drags Dave out for a few drinks (anger+alcohol=fight). Dave ends up accidentally fighting a blindman (Harry Dean Stanton) and breaking a cocktail waitress' nose ( stop with all the funny gags! My sides! NOT). Back to court he goes.

Dr. Rydell, imitating that older sexy fellow that played the devil with Cher a few years back, saunters into the court, pleads on David's behalf, and gets custody if you will of Dave. Later Dr. Rydell moves in with Dave. As IF.

The next hour or so is pure mental torture. Watching a legend - playing himself basically - deliver silly stupid juvenile humor, too adult for kids and too kid-like for adults, is more than this cinephile can handle. I'm going to go watch vintage SNL tapes to remind myself why it is again Adam Sandler is on film...followed by several Jack features to shake off the leeches of hate firmly attached to my heart at present.

Snack recommendation: Two eggs over easy, dry wheat toast and a side bowl of Alphabits© cereal

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